Do we crave failure?

Today I feel like in most areas of my goals I am failing.  Partly I am cheating, at least I am making excuses to cheat.  And the more I read and learn about a healthy lifestyle the more I abhor the times that I cheat.

I have heard people theorize that we cheat (in diets or other areas) because in some way we are addicted to the guilt of it.  Possibly on some level we enjoy the act of repentance.  Possibly because there are self esteem issues and we self sabotage because of a  feeling of being undeserving.

I don’t know much about it (I think it’s an Oprah thing), but a mantra has been floating across my facebook feed the last week – “I am imperfect, and I am enough” (source) – and I really like the idea of this as a mantra.  Perhaps taking on this as a mantra will help break the cycle of self sabotage and guilt “addiction”.  If I can remind myself that it is OK to be imperfect, that regardless of my imperfections I am enough and I have value, then maybe I will stop feeling compelled to self sabotage.

I also have been thinking a lot more about eating better, cleaner.  I’m going to leave some guidelines for myself below.

– Cut out processed foods (in an effort to decrease sugar and salt)

– I don’t really drink very much alcohol but I could drink red wine as a substitute for the beer/whiskey I might drink otherwise.

-Incorporate good fats into meals – avocados, nuts, coconut oil, olive oil – less butter and meat



Cheaper Than Therapy.

I haven’t posted in 5 months.

A lot has happened in that time.

The important things: I graduated University, and then I got married! (Both great things that make me very happy)


But, since I stopped writing my weight loss progress has come to a screeching halt, and recently regressed substantially.

I feel like I’m at the cusp of depression and I don’t know how to snap out of it.

My head feels full of nothing and I try to find fulfillment in food.


A podcast I listen to refers to junk food as a drug which our brain is not capable of handling. The refined fats, sugars, and massive salt levels give our brain and body this rush which acts like a chemical addiction.

And that’s how it feels.

So, my goals moving forward:

– Exercise daily (even the small stuff counts).  Instead of sitting around waiting to feel better I’m going to start taking walks.  Maybe runs, but I want to smart small and make sustainable changes.

– Shift diet to include more raw vegan foods.  I have made one major step forward despite the general setbacks, which is that I am cooking all my meals, and eating restaurant food much less. But I still eat mostly meat and carbs (potatoes, rice, bread).  I want to shift my diet to include in large part raw vegan meals.  If I can do a vegetarian breakfast, a raw vegan lunch, and a standard dinner I’ll be improving my nutrition immensely.  Again, instead of doing a major paradigm shift I want to take small, attainable steps.

Anyway that’s all I can muster for now.  As per my introduction I have a lot to write about from the last 5 months.  I just have to clear my head first.

Exercise away the bad feels!

I was having a difficult time today.

I had a rough weekend for calories. Our social interactions so often revolve around food, and I had a particularly social weekend! From Friday through Sunday I had four meals in restaurants. Not great for the pocketbook or the waistline. Before I know it I’ll need bigger pants but won’t be able to afford them!

While I very much enjoyed the food and the company, I was having a difficult time today because I knew I went so far over my calories yesterday that today would have to be very disciplined to offset my calorie surplus for this week. I ate my breakfast in the car as I knew I would be out for lunch again later.

I had a meeting in the afternoon and I got home drained and tired, knowing I would have to work out if I wanted to have a good weight loss week. I put off working out for two hours before finally dragging my sorry butt up to the treadmill in my building’s communal workout room closet.

Not only did the run help me to curb my cravings but I feel amazing. It really boosted my mental health.

Why is it so hard to think ahead to how good exercise will make you feel? Instead so often I feel the weight if my limbs and laziness and I can’t get off my sorry ars just to burn a few hundred calories.

All in all though goodness prevailed and I only went over my weekly calorie goal by 69 calories. And it just would not be fair to my manhood or middle school sense of humor to do anything to change that number.

Happy weight loss!